Pitchside, Gethsemane


So Jesus, how do you feel about
your forthcoming Passion –
an event which is being described
as the most mouth-watering contest
between the forces of Good and Evil
since the controversial fruit-handling incident
in the Garden of Eden?

Well, this is what me and the lads have been training for
for the last three years and what I say is
if you can’t be up for something like this
when can you?

And do you think you still have what it takes at the age of thirty-three
to take on the role of player-manager?
Some pundits are saying you’re not the same Messiah
who went into the wilderness as a thirty-year old,
took on the Old Enemy single handed
and came away with a shock three-nil victory
under his belt.

Well Tony, all I can say is
that if I ever felt
in any way shape or form
that I was falling from grace
as far as form-wise,
I should be forced at such time
to recapitulate the circumstances
and draw to some sort of decision.

But basically you’re still feeling fit?

The way I see it is:
I’m very much part of a team.
It’s not just about me,
it’s about a squad of twelve other lads who
on their day
can take on any team in the world
and win.

Word is, Peter’s carrying a bit of an injury?

Peter has been a worry, but I’m glad to say
he came through training this morning
without a twinge
and we’re very hopeful
that he’s gonna last the distance.

And what can you tell us about your
dressing-room bust-up with Judas Iscariot?
Few cups flying around were there?

Judas and I have had our differences over the years
and I simply made my position clear …

What exactly did you say to him?

Listen, Judas is quite capable of looking after himself.
I just told him to do what he feels he has to do
and I’m sure he’s gonna make the right decision.

So you can’t comment on the rumours
that an offer has been made for his services?

You’d need to ask the Chairman about that.

Now despite what you say about your personal
fitness level, it’s been reported that in private
you’ve been suggesting this may be
your final match in charge – any chance
of you changing your mind?

At the end of the day, it’s up to the Chairman.

So we shouldn’t rule out a comeback given the right result?

As I say, it’s up to the Chairman at the end of the day.

Jesus of Nazareth, thank you very much for speaking to us
and good luck to you and the lads for tonight.

Cheers Tony mate.
Nice one.