To An Armadillo


O gleamin’, glam’rous Glasgae beastie
How many now are in thy breastie?
Three thousand punters – bronzed or pasty
Meet thegither
Aneath thy mighty carapace, they
Gab and blether.

Serenely hunkered by the Clyde
Wi’ bars an restaurants inside
An braw hotels on ilka side,
Provoker still o’
Embra’s envy, Scotland’s pride,
Great Armadillo.

Like some bold knight in armour clad,
A rugby player’s shooder pad
Or else a dream a slater* had
O’ huge dimension.
Ye’ve even got a helipad –
That’s worth a mention.

Five multi-purpose halls within ye!
How great the piles that underpin ye?
Whaur can the likes o’ us begin yer
Praise to utter?
Can anybody speak agin ye
Save some poor nutter

The city skyline burns wi’ lustre –
The finest that our land could muster –
But, no to seem an awfy boaster
Whit shall I say?
The best laid plans o’ Norman Foster
Turned out okay.

To An Armadillo was written
for the SECC’s Burns Supper at
The Caledonian Club, London 26th January 2006

It is based on Robert Burns’ famous poem
To A Mouse:
Wee, sleekit, cowran, tim’rous beastie
O, what panic’s in thy breastie!
which includes the famous lines:
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley.