Here’s a man we all despise,
Damn his hide and damn his eyes.
Pray that God will some day free us,
From that loathsome leech Zacchaeus.

See him sitting at his table,
Takes as much tax as he’s able,
Stashes some away for later,
Dirty, double-dealing traitor.

Lord of liars, chief of crooks,
Look at how he cooks the books!
Renders what is ours to Caesar,
Cheating, money-grubbing geezer.

He’s the man we love to hate,
Vulgar, vapid reprobate,
Lounging in his lavish house,
Cringing toady, thieving louse.

Wonder how he got so rich?
Greedy, filching, little snitch.
We would lynch the poison gnome,
Were he not employed by Rome.

Then when Jesus comes to town,
See his smile turn to a frown!
Though he’s arrogant and proud,
He cannot see above the crowd.

How we laugh to see him squirm,
Nasty, creeping, crawling worm,
But here’s a thing not seen before:
A sell-out in a sycamore!

Now he’s shouting from the tree,
“Jesus, Jesus look at me!”
Hope he falls, the tiresome tyke,
Falls and lands upon a spike.

Careful Jesus. Don’t be conned,
Just ignore him, don’t respond.
Move on quickly, if you linger
He will twist you round his finger.

Then a voice rings loud and clear,
“Zack mate, get yourself down here!
I spy you in that sycamore,
And you’re the man I’m looking for.”

Now he’s off to have his dinner
With a man who is a sinner
And a traitor to our nation!
He’s gone down in our estimation.

Fraternising with our foe,
Of all the places he could go!
Who would think a man like that
Would take his meals with such a rat?

I beg your pardon, did you say
Zach’s giving half his wealth away?
Dispensing money to the poor?
This too has not been seen before.

And if he’s asked for too much tax
He’s giving fourfold rebates back?
Well, that’s amazing! If it’s true,
There’s going to be a massive queue.

I’m not that easy to deceive.
When I see it, I’ll believe.
He’ll fleece us when the Master’s gone,
It’s just another taxman’s con.

But Jesus says, “It is no scam,
He is a son of Abraham.
Salvation landed here today,
I seek for those who’ve gone astray,

And even though you think it strange,
Occasionally people change,
So do not look at him askance
But give the man a second chance.”

Of course at first this all seemed grand,
The thought of all that cash in hand!
But very soon we came to see
That nothing in this world is free.

In righteous wrath we had estranged him,
Then someone came along and changed him!
Thank you, Jesus. Smashing! Great!
Now there’s no one left to hate!

Since Zach is generous and kind
We’ve nothing left to hide behind.
He radiates with joy and thus
His kindly light exposes us.

His very presence seems to say,
“My life has changed from night to day.
Now tell me what is stopping you
From changing things in your life too?”

So here’s the source of our complaints:
Zacchaeus made us feel like saints,
But now we must admit it’s true
That we are rotten sinners too.

We pray that God will soon restore
Zacchaeus as he was before,
Or Jericho shall rue the day
That Jesus chose to pass this way.